_
[laughter]
[rock music playing]
Um, hello.
What is... how much are drinks?
Complimentary.
Oh, I will definitely have one, in that case.
[sighs]
Okay. Yep.
Thank you for your service.
- Josh? - Holy shit, Pete Hoffman.
I haven't seen you since what? Algebra II.
God, all I remember from that class
was playing Phoenix on our TI-89's.
Hmm, hmm, trying to remember.
Who was it that got the high score?
[laughing] Shut up, you bastard, I...
- That's me; you bow down to me. - I do, indeed.
Man, those were the days.
Wow, before we had to grow up
and join the boring real world.
- Tell me about it. - So what are you up to, bud?
Oh, not too much. I'm living downtown.
Still eating and drinking a little too much.
- I'm an astronaut. - What?
- You're... you're an astronaut? - Yeah, I work for this place.
It's the National Aeronautics Space Administration.
- NASA? - Oh, sweet, you've heard of it.
Yeah. Well, yes, I've heard of it.
- Josh? - Alice Shimpff.
[laughs] Oh, well...
it's actually Alice Hoffman, now.
- No... you... what? - I know.
- Score one for the good guys! - That's what I'm talking about.
So how have you been? What are you...
You still twirling the baton, or...?
Oh, I wish. I'm an astronaut.
I'm sorry, you're both astronauts?
- So, you guys work together? - No, no, I'm on Gamma.
- She's on Argo. - Yeah.
Oh, but you know who I do work with?
Tom and Carla from Ms. Margolin's class.
Tom that kid that got suspended for whippets?
- Yeah. - He made a 180, man.
He's doing great.
So, Josh, what do you do?
- Astronaut, right? - Uh...
[downtempo electronic music]
♪ ♪
Ah!
♪ ♪
[squeaks]
♪ ♪
[growls]
♪ ♪
Synced and corrected by OussLP - www.addic7ed.com
You wanted to see me, Mr. Pell?
So our office manager, Vanessa, is leaving to...
[scoffs]
Take care of her kids.
- Her job is yours if you want it. - What?
Seriously?
I... I am so honored.
Might I inquire as to how you arrived at,
uh, choosing me for this job?
I asked which temp has been here the longest,
- and someone said it was you. - I see.
So my experience gave me the edge.
The wise old owl, as it were.
I'll go with that. That's fine.
Oh, yep.
Voilà. Eggs à la Tom.
Okay, before we dig in,
I would like to propose a toast to Josh,
who has some exciting job news.
What? What job news?
It's not that big a deal.
It's a huge deal.
He's the new office manager.
- Oh. - This... this is true.
What does that mean? Office manager?
I'll do stuff like order supplies,
organize staff events,
like March Madness pools
and Girl Scout cookie season.
Stuff like that, and...
I get...
♪ Dun duh-duh-duuh ♪
- My own business card... - So cool.
With my name. That's the name you gave me.
So cool.
That's awesome. I love it.
Joshie,
I thought you were only working at this place
until you figured out
what you really wanted to do with your life.
- This is a smart move for Josh. - No!
Josh is special.
Jesus. What's her problem?
Josh, I think there's something you should see.
I don't remember this really big tent.
[gospel music]
♪ Josh is sanctified ♪
All: ♪ Sanctified ♪
Who are these people?
You know how your mom likes to brag about you.
Yeah.
- These people listen. - Oh, man.
- What did she tell them? - Oh, just the usual.
That you're smart and talented and a living god.
- What? - Yeah.
Oops, I gotta go. I have to play the bass.
Did he say living god?
[gospel music flourish]
Josh is testing me.
Oh, he is testing me.
He told me, "I got a job offer, mum,
and it ain't a good one!"
But you know what I did?
I believed
that Josh is destined for greatness!
He could be a doctor!
[bass flourish]
He could be a lawyer!
I'm a lawyer, Mom.
He could be the president...
[cheers and applause]
Of the United States of America!
[mouthing] Talamacah-shebaccah!
[cheers and applause]
Yaminah-yaminah!
Hocko!
Shaka-laka-laka!
Homina! Homina, homina!
No, no, Mom, will you please stop?
You're really embarrassing me right now.
It's he. The great one.
I'm not a god. I'm not even kind of a god.
Then how do you explain these holy relics?
No, there's... they're not...
those are mostly participation metals.
Mom, look, just face it.
There might not be...
maybe there's nothing I'm naturally gifted at.
Oh, really? Nothing?
Well, what about that summer at computer camp?
♪ ♪
You were the best in the bunch,
and they gave you a certificate to prove it.
Uh... wow.
Made the frame himself. Shop class.
May... maybe you're right.
[laughs]
Maybe I've been selling myself short.
- Oh, yeah. - You know, maybe...
- Maybe screw that office job. - You say it!
Soulless office job.
I'm gonna do something with my life.
[cheers and applause]
I'm gonna... I'm gonna follow my heart!
Hallelujah!
Mr. Pell, could I speak to you a second?
- Just a... - Mm.
Thank you.
I'm sorry to put you in this position,
but, uh...
upon further consideration,
I realize that I'm gonna have to decline
that office manager job.
I see.
I just... it would be unfair to me
to place limitations on myself to do anything
other than follow my dreams.
[woman moaning]
Are you watching porn?
Yeah.
Ugh, I can't believe you still buy Schmort's Ice.
I stopped drinking this cheap shit in college.
- And there, I did it! - Did what?
I just signed up for a six week beginners course
on computer coding.
I'm gonna try and be a video game designer.
- That's awesome. - Right?
No, I think my mother's right.
It's time I start living up to my potential,
and I think I might even have an idea for my very first game.
- What is it? - All right.
I can tell you.
You just gotta promise to keep it a bit of a secret.
- These lips are sealed. - All right.
[blubbers]
You're, like, the first person I'm saying it to,
like... okay.
It's called "Abandoned Planet," all right?
It's about a group of space marines
who receive a mysterious distress call
from an abandoned planet,
uh, but there's a twist.
The planet's not actually abandoned.
Who's on it?
Like... aliens.
Okay.
Josh, I play a lot of video games,
so I have a higher bar than most people...
But I gotta say,
that is the coolest shit I have ever heard.
- Really? - Swear to God.
[laughs] I knew it.
- Dude, to "Abandoned Planet." - To "Abandoned Planet."
Oh, this is so exciting. [chuckles]
- [groans] - Oh, this beer is terrible.
- It's like hotdog water. - That's really bad.
[upbeat electronic music]
Phew.
One of the most important things you can't forget
is to use a semicolon at the end of every line of code.
Otherwise your program, it's just not gonna run.
♪ ♪
We wanna force the loop to exit here.
What command do we use? Josh?
- Uh, break command. - That's correct.
Now we can work on the code section below it.
♪ ♪
Wow. That's awesome.
Congratulations, Josh.
Are we gonna see you in our advanced class?
- You betcha. - Good stuff.
Yeah.
Phew.
Um...
Okay, uh, am I in the right class?
Yes, Josh, have a seat.
We just got started.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, now that you've all gone through beginners coding,
which... let's be honest... was a bit of a joke, wasn't it?
[all laugh]
We're now gonna get into
what I like to call real computer programming.
There's gonna be a little bit of a learning curve,
but you should be able to get the hang of it
as long as you have a handle on calculus,
analytic geometry, data architecture,
and computational linguistics.
- You're gonna be fine. - Oh, man.
Let's get started by saying our names
and something interesting about ourselves.
Uh, my name is Sporlon,
son of Borlon.
I come from a race of highly evolved
ultra-brained superhumans.
I am Valeron,
son of Valeron.
I, too, come from a race of highly evolved
ultra-brained superhumans.
Josh?
Oh.
Uh, I am Josh.
Uh...
and something interesting about myself,
um...
Broke my elbow when I was ten
while I was rollerblading.
- Okay, uh... - Yeah, thanks.
Let's get started.
We then utilize Dijkstra's algorithm,
visiting each vertex recursively,
guaranteeing the shortest path.
[all murmuring]
Hey, hey, Borlon.
Psst, Borlon.
- Yes? - I'm struggling, man.
Would you mind helping me a bit?
[sighing] Fine.
What is it?
Thank you.
Thank you. I'm so sorry to interrupt.
No, it's awesome.
I'm just, like, so confused by this algorithm.
Well, just pulse your neurons
until the answer manifests itself.
What? Pulse? Pulse my neurons?
Pulse my neurons. Was that in the book?
I'm gonna pay attention to Greg now.
And that's that on bounded heuristics.
Great first class, everyone.
Tonight's assignment is just gonna be a fun one.
I want each of you to design a professional quality video game.
For [bleep] sake.
This'll be your "Call of Duties,"
your "World of Warcrafts," but not those exact games.
All: Ha.
- [laughs] - What?
Wow, wha... what?
I've never seen you work this hard in your entire life.
I'm impressed, okay? This is amazing.
This is really cool.
Um, I am drowning, Liz.
The other students are just so advanced, right?
- [sighs] - They all get the concepts...
right away,
and I can't prove this,
but I suspect they may be
tapping into a collective hive consciousness.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Well...
[clears throat]
Okay.
- This is your dream? - Yeah.
So, if this is really your dream, then...
Yeah.
Then screw those other guys.
- They sound lame. - Yeah.
You deserve to be in that class.
[techno music]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
[yawns]
Man, oh, man.
That was one hell of an assignment, huh?
Hey, uh, what're you up to this weekend?
Do you wanna grab a beer or something?
Thanks, but I think I'm just
planning on lying low this weekend.
Oh, yeah, no. Fair enough.
All right, class, I'm really excited
to see everyone's video games.
So who wants to go first? I do, Greg.
Borlon, okay, great.
Why don't we all gather around his computer.
Actually, I can project the video game
as a hologram from my skull.
Great. Show us what you got.
[whispers] Jesus.
[dramatic music]
Jesus Christ!
Nice use of the parallax occlusions
we talked about yesterday.
I mean, I was just gonna say the dragon looks cool.
Ahh!
My game is called "Golden Blade."
Very nice.
Pass.
Josh, would you like to go next?
No... I mean, um...
Yeah, yeah, I could,
but if, uh...
Valeron or, uh, Ob...
um, Albien... Albon would like to go...
Don't be silly. Come on, everyone.
- Let's gather around. - So, uh, yeah.
Here it is.
[electronic music]
♪ ♪
[electronic static]
God damn it.
Uh...
What do you think?
Control, Alt, Delete?
Is that... what do you guys think?
That's... it's okay. It's okay.
- We're done? - Yeah... yeah, yeah.
[somber music]
I'm sorry, Josh,
I just don't think video game design is for you.
I... it... but it has to be for me, man.
I got noth... like, this... this is my dream.
Sometimes dreams are just dreams.
Borlon, will I see you at the cool party this weekend?
- Definitely. - You... Borlon!
When I asked you what you were doing this weekend,
you said you were laying low.
Well, um, the thing is,
um, at the time that you asked what I was doing,
I actually was planning on laying low this weekend.
That much is true.
I get it. Just... just go.
Thank you.
- Bye-bye. - Bye-bye.
Mr. Pell, could I talk to you for a second?
Sure.
[sighs] Uh...
I would like to reopen
the office manager dialogue.
Uh, so, upon further...
further consideration,
I realize that I would love
to reaccept that job
if it were still available.
Truth is, I would be lucky to have it.
Great. [explosion]
The truth is, I don't really care, so...
you can have the job.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Yep, right.
Your expected wait time is 40 minutes.
Enter the item code into the second entry field.
What the hell does that mean?
- Paycheck. - Thank you.
Your expected wait time is 2 hours.
What? How did that happen?
So, Josh, how are your computer classes going?
Now, I want to hear everything.
Yeah. Oh, good. Good, thank you.
I've never played a video game in my life,
but once yours comes out, I'm gonna be all over it.
- You should try "Tetris." - It's a good one.
By the way, I was reading a very interesting article
in "The New York Times"
about Mark Zuckerberg.
I think you should talk to him.
No, I... Mark Zuckerberg doesn't want to talk to me.
- Oh, sure he does. - Yeah.
You two would have a lot in common.
Huh.
And then when you're done with that,
maybe you could take a look at that printer of mine.
[sighs]
You know, I really... I appreciate the support.
- The thing is... - Oh, wait, I almost forgot.
I know you haven't graduated yet...
- She did not. - Oh, no.
But I couldn't help myself!
We're just all so proud of you.
Okay...
That is so adorable. Look.
[laughs] [sighs]
[somber music]
Yeah, uh, I quit those classes.
I was just in way over my head.
I took that office manager job.
- You're better than that job. - No, I'm not.
I'm not; that job is literally the best I can do,
and I'll be honest.
All the, like, overwhelming expectation and pride
was making me feel terrible about myself.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Josh.
I didn't want you to feel bad.
[sighs] Well, I'll, uh...
I'll get some plates.
Dude, this game, "Golden Blade," is sick.
Yeah, yeah, it was a big big hit.
Borlon knows what he's doing.
- Wait, Borlon made this game? - Yeah.
Must have just came right out of your class...
- I guess so. - And just killed it.
Yeah.
But, you know, I mean,
I'm sorry that your dreams died.
- Thanks. - Yeah.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
Whoa!
Hey, we're out of beer. Should we get more Schmort's?
Actually, you know what?
I can do a lot better than Schmort's.
- Really? - Yes, really.
And I'll tell you what.
It's on me.
Dude, that's awesome.
That is awesome.
So how do I look?
You look great.
Uh, let me just put your cap on.
Both: Okay.
Now remember, tassel to your left.
- Oh. - Okay?
You haven't graduated yet.
All right, wish me luck.
- Good luck. - Here goes nothing.
Big moment.
[marching band music]
♪ ♪
Greetings, friends and loved ones.
We are gathered here today
to celebrate the young men
and young women of this community
who are graduating from their shitty beer
to a decent beer.
Also, keep in mind,
this week I have reduced my mixed nuts to $6.99,
not like Ernie's across the street,
but enough about me.
Now, the first graduate I want to bring up today,
he used to be big, big loser,
and we would see him go outside, we would laugh at him,
and he's almost a man now.
Please, help me welcome to the cash register
Mr. Josh Greenberg.
[cheers and applause]
[band playing "Pomp and Circumstance"]
That's you!
Whoo!
♪ ♪
Joshie! You the man!
[mouthing]
This is a good one, right?
Both: Yes!
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
- $10.99. - All right.
Wait! Wait, don't start without us.
- Hey! - Hey, Bud.
- I'm so sorry we're late. - There... oh.
- Your mom forgot the camera. - Oh, Tom.
[heartfelt music]
♪ ♪
Oh, look, Tom.
Tom, he's paying with a 20.
- It's a 20. - Oh, my Josh.
Would you like to donate $1
to the American Red Cross?
No, that's...
Yeah!
[cheers and applause]
[gospel music]
♪ With the good Lord beside me ♪
♪ And his love to guide me ♪
♪ I know that someday I can find my dream ♪
[camera shutter clicks]
So those will be product codes 1-1-4-K
and 1-1-5-K.
I know, exotic, right?
[laughs]
All right, thanks, Pat.
Good luck with that cold. All right, bye-bye.
Hi, sorry to interrupt.
Um, I'm the new temp, and I'm wondering if I can get
a new chair for my desk
because the old one smells really terrible.
Oh, yes, that's... oh. Of course, yeah.
Uh, I'll order one today.
It'll be here, um...
Uh, Wednesday.
Great, thank you. I'm Rosa, by the way.
I'm Josh. Actually...
Josh Greenberg, office manager.
- Cool card. - Oh, thanks.
Whoa...
Synced and corrected by OussLP - www.addic7ed.com